Friday afternoon was spent in bed. Lame I know. It was beautiful outside but I just couldn't get myself up and moving. We arrived home from St. George Friday around 2:30 am and took Isaac to the airport around 8:30 in the morning. So the rest of the day was spent catching up on shows while McKay took a few naps. Isaac loves going to Orlando to see his dad, but I hate how quiet it is. But I do love coming home from getaways to a DVR full of my shows.
One of the many that I watched was
Miss Advised. But what isn't there to love on Bravo? I usually cover my eyes or just cringe watching shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette because everyone on these shows seems just too desperate. It got me thinking about dating. How much fun it was, but also how frustrating it could be at times. George always makes jokes about how many men I dated before we got married. On a road trip to CA while dating we started talking about our #'s. Ya know, how many people we dated, how many we kissed and so forth. I for sure thought George would have staggering numbers, considering his age. But come to find out I had dated double the amount of people in my 3 years of being single after my divorce than he had in his 20+ years of dating. This is because in those years I just wanted to have fun. I wanted to make up for lost time. I got married too young. With no expectation of what I would need in a man. Those years before I got married (the first time) I always had a boyfriend or was always dating someone. Some of them, I'd like to forget. Oh man, as I write this I cringe thinking about some of them and am having a "what was I thinking" moment. Those were fun times too. My older sister
Kacey and I starting hanging out. Before then I was just her annoying little sister that wore her clothes and stole her cd's. How else would I know that I loved Sade too? We would spend our weekends shopping, eating and meeting "boys." I think I learned a lot about men watching her. She was confident. I learned that confidence is key to most of the things you would do in life but it would soon play a HUGE role in my dating and social life.
After seperating from my first husband I was living in a new city, with a new job, new friends and a little 1 year old in tow. I took a trip back home to Utah and met a guy while visiting. We had a long distance relationship. Soon a relationship that I would regret and would waste a lot of my time. During that relationship I saw myself slipping into old habbits of having low self esteem, being passive, being the caretaker etc. I'm not sure what happened but something in me changed. I think being a single mom made me realize I was kind of a big deal. Ok, not really but it gave me the chance to have a "do over" and this time I played the game by my rules, not his.
So with that being said, I decided I would come up with a few rules that I deemed appropriate for the single girls in my life. One in particular because I love her so much...
1. Being single is kinda fabulous.
Really. Trust me on this one. I love being a wife and mother, but I wouldn't be telling the truth if I didn't admit that I miss being by myself at times. I go to bed about the same time I used to be getting ready for the night when I was single. So take the opportunity while your single to fulfill dreams that may not be quite within your reach later on in life. Travel the world. Splurge on amazing finds for your closet and home. Eat amazing food because you'll soon be eating the last of your babies Cheerios that have been 1/2 sucked on.
2. Say yes.
Men don't ask women out the way they used to. It takes a lot of balls for a man to ask a girl out, so give him the courtesy and say yes. Why? Because you NEVER know what will happen. AND.....he may have friends that could be a better fit. It's all about networking! Plus a date (good or bad) is a great excuse to get dressed up, stay out late and enjoy a good meal.
3. Step outside your comfort zone.
I met my husband in a bar. 3 months later we went on a really awkward date to a movie where he tried to hold my hand. I thought it was the weirdest thing, but I wasn't used to someone doing everything the old fashioned way :)
Back to the bar.... Notice I didn't say get drunk and go home with a guy. But change it up! You don't have to drink to go dancing with girlfriends. Go to concerts, maybe try a cocktail for the first time in your life. Go skiing. Take a lesson and hit the slopes. There is a lot of men on the mountains.
Ladies: you aren't going to meet a guy at Cold Stone or Yogurtland.
If you do, I raise my spoon to you!
4. Don't care tooooooo much.
When you start dating someone don't throw all your eggs in one basket. I like to have 2 or 3 baskets brewing at one time. Until you and your guy have declared you are only dating each other, date around. But also be courtesous enough to not text or talk to Harry while on a date with Larry. Which brings me to my next rule.
5. He's gotta know how to use a phone.
Texting is too easy. If a guy hasn't called and asked you out after texting for days and days, he's lame. Texting is for kids.
6. If he's not that into you, it's okay.
Don't play games. Don't text him to see how he's doing, because he's doing just fine... with somebody else. Don't erase his phone #. Because we all know you've already got it memorized and you'll crack one day and text or call him. Keep his phone # so one day when you're with someone better it will feel THAT much better to delete his phone #.
7. Don't be jealous of other women.
We're all on the same team. There is always going to prettier girls, girls with better personalities but there is only one of you. And if he's with you, it's because he's figured out the same thing that you have, you're a good catch.
8. Don't give up too much for him.
I moved clear across the country for a man without any commitment from him. I started all over and when it didn't work out I was left with nothing, while his life continued on as though nothing had changed. My first relationship after that was long distance. I wanted to move home so bad to be with him not realizing that I lived in one of the most amazing cities. After that I made up my mind that if a guy wanted me bad enough he'd move mountains to be with me. He'd come to me and fit into my life instead of me changing my world to be with him. When I dated George I asked him if he'd ever move to be with me and he said "well, I'd make it work" I knew I had met my match.
9. Get off Pinterest and join Match.com
Our world is moving faster than it used to. We are all busy people. Use your lunch break for a blind date with someone online. Meet in a public place. Drive your own car (always) and offer to buy your own lunch.
10. Enjoy the ride.
You're only young, hot & single once. In my case twice because I was granted a re-do, thank goodness. Go on trips with your girlfriends. Hit up some bars and get your flirt on. Get ready with music on. Don't play games. Be open for anything. If a guy suggests sky diving on a date, do it. If he buys you a plane ticket from Orlando to Napa, don't do it..he only wants one thing. Fulfill your dreams. Because one day you'll find yourself in bed at 10:30 knowing you'll be up in a couple of hours to your husbands snoring and bed hogging. Up at 2 am for a feeding instead of dancing in a club. You won't want to regret not having an adventure. I don't. I am thankful for my single years but there is nothing better than waking up to the giggle of a baby. It beats any hangover I've ever had.
Give the nice guy a chance. He'll change your life and make you believe in love again.
